


Is A Mukkinese Battle Horn Bad For Your Health?

by tgfoy



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bad Jokes, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Bad Puns, Flirting, Gen, Humour, Mild Language, Nudity, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-07-08 01:27:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19861264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tgfoy/pseuds/tgfoy
Summary: When a call to Fred for help is a little odd, even by Weasley standards, does it bode well for Ginny's plans to disrupt the oppressive administration of the school before Christmas.





	Is A Mukkinese Battle Horn Bad For Your Health?

**Author's Note:**

> Additional Warning: This story contains what is probably the worst ever chat up line in Fan Fic. The author accepts no responsibility for the consequences should any reader choose to use it in the real world.
> 
> Disclaimer: Harry Potter Publishing Rights © J.K.R. Note the opinions in this story are my own and in no way represent the owners of this site. This story subject to copyright law under transformative use. No compensation is made for this work.

Is A Mukkinese Battle Horn Bad For Your Health?  
Written by Tgfoy.  
Inspired by an idea from Patty.

“Fred! Put some bloody clothes on, why the hell did you answer it in that state. I don't want to see my fully grown brother naked.” I screamed at the communications mirror I had just called him on.

“What's up Sis, I knew it was only you, no one else can call me on this thing. Anyway it's not like you haven't seen me in the buff coming out of the bath before, or even in it for that matter.” He replied calmly.

“Yes, years ago when mum bathed you, George, Ron and I together, but, that was when I was about Four and you seven. Which, in case you hadn't noticed, we are not any more, at least physically.”

“Too right he isn't!” A dreamy voice whispered admiringly in my ear. 

I had forgotten Luna was watching the call over my shoulder, damn.

Fred grinned as he stood arms on hips in the mirror he had provided to us. “Like what you see, eh, Luna.” He teased, waggling his eyebrows, then laughed as she nodded.

“I've never met an unclothed body I didn't like.” She breathed, licking her lips.

I didn't know whether to laugh, or simply throttle the pair of them. “When you two have quite finished? We are supposed to be coming up with new ways of harassing the Death eaters, not making our friends drool over inexplicably naked brothers, causing the aforementioned friend to be unable to think straight.” 

“Hey, I do my best thinking nude.” Fred pointed out.

“I'll shall have to try that.” Said Luna enthusiastically and started to remove her robe.

“Luna don't you dare.” I screamed to stop her undressing. “It's bad enough my brother thinking this is a naturist conference, without you joining him.” 

“Spoil sport!” Fred laughed, as Luna re fastened her robe, pouting.

I turned to my brother. “Fred Weasley, naked wizards have contributed very little to Magical civilization, not to mention my sanity, put some clothes on.”

“Spoil sport!” Fred and Luna pouted together.

I rolled my eyes at the synchronised gurning demonstration from the pair and did my best impersonation of mum, as I sharply warned, “Fred Weasley!”

“All right, all right, I know I am not the irresistibility handsome hunk you would want to see in the buff.” He conceded wryly, then donned the flimsiest see through garment he could find, the result was hardly an improvement. “Better?” He asked

“No” said Luna forcefully. “I prefer au naturel any day.”

“Luna, that's my brother.” I exclaimed.

Fred grinned. “Maybe next time Luna.”  
“Fred that's Luna.” I exclaimed.  
Fred shrugged, still grinning. “Anyway, what can I do for my beloved sister?”

I became serious. “It's for the cause.”

“Oh!” he replied. “You know I will help as much as I can, but with all the controls of your post we can't get our stuff into the school, I'm just glad we could make these mirrors for you before you went.”

“No, I know that we can't get any of your products in via mail order, but we can get you into the castle.”

“Why?”

“We need you to teach us.”

Fred's eyebrows rose sharply “Teach you what?”

“How to make some of your products, we might not be able to get the products themselves through the new wards, but the components would get through.”

His eyebrows rose further. “Let me get this right! You want me to come into the death eater lair you are forced to attend, in so doing risking my life by the way. Then put my life and livelihood in jeopardy, teach you how to make our very dangerous, very valuable pranks.”

“Yep!” I replied matter of factly.

“Ok, just needed to get that straight in my head.”

“So will you do it?”

“Before I answer that, who will I be teaching and why?

“The who? That would be the members of our new, soon to be feared by Mouldy's minions in the school, covert branch of the D.A. The Ultimate Shenanigans Association, or the U.S.A. For short. We are aiming to be a bit of a hit squad, making life fun for the students at the expense of Snape and the Slytherin's Hopefully help keep the younger students safe at the same time.” I told my brother proudly.

“Not just you two alone, I hope?” Fred looked worried.

I shook my head. “No, there are still quite a few of us. Neville, Luna and I are joint leaders of the D.A. Some of the members have nicknamed us the Ultimate Knights or the U.K. The D.A. is concentrating on training people for the moment, the U.S.A. is more about creating mayhem until we have more people up to scratch. That said, we need training in mischief achievement in this castle, which is where you come in dear brother of mine.”

Fred looked doubtful for a moment, as he considered what I had said, then began pacing and muttering to himself. “Should I be encouraging my little sister to put herself in danger? She should concentrate on school not fighting. Blimey Gred! What on earth are you saying? She'll just go ahead and do it anyway, at least this way you can keep an eye on the bat bogey hexing expert. Bloody hell, Death Eaters and Dementors are bad, but little sisters really scare me.” He stopped , shuddered and looked straight at me suddenly serious, not realising we had heard every word he stated. “ If I say no, you will go and do it in any case, knowing how determined you are to help Harry and the war effort anyway you can, won't you?”

Nodding, I began to smile, I knew the signs, he was about to agree to help us.

“Yes I know you would,” he sighed. “At least I know he is worthy of you Gin, right I'll do it, but, I will only teach you two and you agree not to show anything to any others until I say you are ready to do so.”

“Agreed,” we both nodded seriously.

Then Luna brightened up. “Now that's sorted out, does that mean you can get naked again, Fred?”

“Luna!” I shouted appalled, as Fred laughed. 

Fred was as good as his word. Neville had discovered how to make the room of requirement do what ever we needed, so no one could disturb us, as Umbridge had in my fourth year, thus providing a safe place for Luna and I to learn in. The corridor through to the Hogs Head gave us a perfect way to get Fred in to the school undetected, enabling him to show us how to make his and Georges most useful inventions. First was Peruvian darkness powder, we were soon teaching the others how to make it. That meant our stock was soon building, whilst we were learning how to make puking pastilles, nose bleed nougat as well as other components from the skiving snack boxes range. Luna grew very adept at building decoy detonators as well as designing new ones and so over the weeks as we taught others our stocks of those grew as well. Some of our product was being deployed already, to create diversions as well as to simply amuse the majority of the student body. 

Fred's visits also gave us a communication route with the outside world, especially after our failed attempt at retrieving the sword of Gryffindor. We were at least able to reassure our families we were fine, though Snape giving us detention with Hagrid was surprisingly lenient. It had also given Fred the opportunity to spread word to us of a new radio programme he, George and their friend Lee had set up. Potterwatch and the news it brought, soon became compulsive listening for every member of the D.A. As well as many other students. Luna was very disappointed, however, with one aspect of Fred's visits. Thankfully, from my point of view at least, he did not once appear sans clothing, despite her repeated requests and offers to join him in a state of undress, I worry about her sometimes.

Then one day in November, Fred arrived in a more serious mood, gingerly carrying a barrel.

“Right you two, pay attention, this stuff is dangerous. It's for our Whizz bangs, makes them explode. We use it to protect some of our products in the shop from thieves too, makes a wonderful bang gives them the fright of their lives.” He grinned.

“Isn't that dangerous too?” I asked.

He replied with a dangerous glint in his eye, but a nonchalant tone. “Only to customers.”

He carefully placed the barrel on the work bench. “Now I want no more Doxy incidents especially while we handle this stuff.”

He had looked directly at me saying this, I cannot believe that little beggar bit me after I had extracted it's venom the first time we made the pastilles, I should have known better. I had paid much closer attention to what I was doing after that, even if it was perfectly safe.

The smiling Fred continued. “That was a mistake of another colour entirely, compared with the risk if you lose concentration while using this stuff, at least until we have it sealed and stabilized.”

What followed was one of the tensest fifteen minutes of my life, as we carefully measured and magically stabilised the portions of the powder that the barrel contained. Fred then showed us how to design and build some of the basic fireworks from the range they usually sold, it amazed me how little powder was required to create some very spectacular displays and effects, the powder was very potent stuff.

At the conclusion of the session Fred looked at us both gravely. “Before you pass this on to the others, I want you to be absolutely sure and confident in your handling of the powder, to that end, make sure to have your Dragon hide gloves next time. I will be showing you how it is made and you will then make some for your teams, do not show them how to do it.” 

He waited until we both agreed, then with a nod left. It was not often I had seen my brother so serious, a sign of the gravity of what he had imparted. I realized that Luna had recognized this too, it was the first occasion since that day we first contacted Fred with the mirror, that she had not asked Fred if he was getting naked this time.

The next four sessions were taken up with meticulously making, dividing, stabilizing, then finally testing the powder we produced. It was only as the last ingredient was added that the potion became a powder and therefore dangerous in quantity, which gave me an idea. Store the part complete potion and the final component separately, until it was needed for use then mix them just before use. Fred was intrigued, he and George had not tried to do this, so we had tested the theory and on this fourth session we would see if they could be successfully mixed. 

It being my idea, I got to combine the two elements. Slowly I measured the cocktail of ingredients we had put aside, then measured the correct quantity of the last one. The moment of truth arrived, I slowly combined them in an old cauldron of Fred's. We watched as the liquid dissipated leaving a powder in the bottom, it was the wrong colour, I sighed disappointedly.

“Don't count your dragons before they are hatched Gin.” Fred smiled. “Lets try it first, colour isn't everything.”

I nodded, he scooped out a much smaller quantity than would be used even for the smallest Whizz Bang. He placed it on a saucer in the middle of a table on the other side of the room, then set up a shield around the cauldron as well as between us and the sample.

“Just in case.” He winked. “George and I nearly destroyed the Burrow when we first tested the powder, I am just being careful.” Grinning, he sent a spark from his wand into the saucer.

The resulting explosion vaporised everything beyond the shield and rocked the room, which filled with smoke. Behind the shield we were protected, but still it was quite a while before any of us spoke again.

Luna was first to comment.“I think it was, perhaps, a tiny bit more powerful than usual.” She dreamily observed.

“No kidding.” I said quietly, still shocked that what I had created, was quite so potentially destructive.

“I believe you have created a bomb Sis, might be a tad too much for a firework though. Well done Gin, that was incredible.” Fred noted, initial shock transforming to admiration as he spoke.

“I believe that demonstration proves that the practical the application of your idea, might have the potential to get us killed, even faster than if we were to blow a Mukkinese Battle Horn in the close vicinity of old mouldy shorts left ear.” Luna added, dreamily grinning.

I could only nod in agreement to that statement, still numb at the increased potency of the powder. It was much later in the evening, as I lay in bed, contemplating the events of the day and wondering where Ron, Hermione and especially Harry were, as I often did, that it hit me. I had absolutely no idea, what on earth a Mukkinese Battle Horn was.

“Time me to see how long I can hold the bat bogey hex on the pathetic little runt, when I get my hands on him.” I fiercely growled to Fred, who was cowering at the vehemence in my voice.

I was seething about my brother, not Fred, no he had been more than helpful in preparing our planned farewell gift to the death eaters and nibblers in the school for Christmas. No, I was not angry with him, he was just the one bringing the news that had lit the fire that was my anger. The target of my threat, the source of my rage, was that chess loving, emotionally challenged, brainless buffoon, Ron. Fred had, reluctantly, told me that the idiot had turned up at Bill and Fleur's, having abandoned Harry and Hermione in a fit of pique. I had always wanted to see how long my favourite weapon of revenge, could be held and if I got half a chance over the holiday, then I was going to have some quality time with Ronniekins to find out.

“Ginny I know, but at least we know they are as safe, or at least as safe as anyone on the run can be. Ron already regrets what he has done, he knows what you have been doing here, says they overheard someone talking about your attempt at getting the sword. Harry knows you are trying to help.” Fred tried to calm me down.

It was true, we had harassed Mouldy shorts robe kissers in the school, minor pranks to create distractions, posters supporting Harry, the D.A. And the U.S.A. Periodically appeared in the school. Including a giant one, right above the headmasters chair, during one breakfast. The D.A. had begun helping the victims of the Carrows and Slytherin's the death eater siblings empowered. We administered medical help, when ever we could, under the surreptitious guidance of Madam Pomfrey. The U.S.A. still lead the pranking, as well as Luna and myself there was Susan, Hannah, Seamus and Neville, all carrying out the operations and creating products Fred had taught Luna and me. We were very proud when we discovered that the Carrow's believed us to be a much larger group, especially as hardly a day passed without a previously set prank being triggered by them, Snape or Malfoy's Minions as we had nicknamed their loyal students.

Still here we were, stuck with no way out of the castle, doing our best to disrupt their hold on the school and Ron, who was out there, with the chance to be making a real difference, abandons his best friend. Not to mention also leaving his could be, if only he got his head out of his backside and did something about it instead of being to emotionally sterile to admit his own feelings, girl friend, I would deal with him during the holidays. Fred was right though, at least I had up to date news about Harry and we had a prank of epic proportions to plot and execute before I could get my hands on Ron.

Family matters put on the back burner, until they could be dealt with, Fred and I turned back to Luna who was waiting on the other side of the room, toying with her hair. This was to be our last lesson with him, before the big pre Christmas prank, which was to be played out just as the Hogwarts Express departed Hogsmeade. We started out creating portable swamps, but ended up putting the finishing touches to what was needed for the prank. This is where Fred excelled, his attention to detail had helped prevent our capture many times since our campaign started. 

Growing up I had always been closer to Ron, both of us drawn close by the mutual efforts of trying to keep clear of the twins pranks. Once I started at Hogwarts the twins had become my main family confidants and company, Ron was too busy getting into adventures with Harry and getting confused over his feelings for Hermione, to be concerned with me. Although since there dramatic departure from the school, I had not seen much of the twins, even in the holidays, we had slowly, subtly drifted apart as our lives separated. These past few weeks, Fred and I had grown even closer than we had been, he was sharing with me his and Georges secrets, he was learning mine as well. Of my family, he alone fully knew my hopes for the future, he alone now knew what I wanted and how I truly felt about a certain wizard. Fred alone of my parents or siblings, knew what had been behind the kiss I had given that beautiful green eyed, raven haired hunk on his birthday. He alone knew, how much it had taken for me to watch that same wizard, disappear from the wedding taking my thick headed youngest brother and Hermione with him, but leaving me behind alone. Fred and I had spent time alone over the mirrors and in this room several times, before Luna arrived for that lesson, simply talking. It was comfort, for us both. Each worried about the other, each preparing ourselves, as much as we could, for when the war reached us. There was no doubt in our minds it inevitably would, simply because of the underground resistance actions we were both deliberately taking. We had come to rely on each other, far more than we could possibly have imagined back in the summer, back then we had feared not seeing each other and in my case the rest of my family ever again. I had feared being isolated at Hogwarts and them just disappearing, as so many had done. His visits meant the world to me, he even managed to bring news of Luna's father to her occasionally. I knew we were the lucky ones, most students in the school could get no real news from their families. Letters both in and out of the castle were censored, private owls were only allowed as pets, the wards would only allow official owls or, of course, those belonging to Slytherin's through. This meant our pranks were often the highlight of the day for many students, in need of light relief.

Most of the staff turned a blind eye to the pranks. Even Snape seemed not to be too bothered by many of them, though he did make announcements that when the perpetrators were caught they would be severely punished. The Carrow's, with the help of the Slytherin's lead by Malfoy, were the keenest to catch us and tried to lay traps around the corridors. Thankfully, we had quickly become good at detecting them and could avoid them quite well, though we did have some close calls. Predictably the failure of these traps to catch us, led to more and more traps being laid. They only stopped placing more, when one day classes were interrupted by sirens sounding throughout the school, quickly followed by the triumphant shouts of the Carrow's They encouraged the entire school to follow them as if in a celebrity parade, to see the demise of those who had foolishly opposed them and they had cleverly trapped demonstrating the superiority of their pure blood beliefs over the foolishness of blood traitors. They eagerly led us to what they predicted would be. “The site of the final folly of the U.S.A.”

We dutifully followed, as they implored us to do. Those of us who knew better, wondering what was really going on. They led us through the entrance hall then stopped, we gathered in the entrance to the dungeons. The Carrow's grinned triumphantly, as they threw open the door to that part of the castle, facing us all so that they could observe our reaction to their expected victory. For a moment the student body they had gathered was stunned into silence, then as one burst into raucous laughter at the sight they beheld, behind the Death Eater twins. Pleased with our response, they finally turned to observe the sight of their success, to share in the view which we found so hilarious. It couldn't have been better if we had planed it as a prank, for what we had found was, of course, not U.S.A. hoist by it's own petard. But, Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle and four other Slytherin's hanging from the ceiling. Each, loudly, blaming the others for getting caught in one of their own traps and issuing threats of vengeance on each other. The embarrassment caused by this incident, to the death nibblers, was long lasting and the incident made our lives easier. The traps they had so carefully laid were quickly removed, for fear of their own setting off more of them. The relief was however short lived, patrols of the school were stepped up and at least one Slytherin was now with every teacher or prefect on duty.

The night before the train left was interesting for us, we were completing placing the timed pranks around the school, whilst simultaneously avoiding the patrols out to catch us. I was returning down the stairs from the top of the astronomy tower with Luna and Neville from hiding a box of our own design Whizz bangs along with a couple of other surprises. They were timed to go off just as the train would go out of sight of the castle and thanks to some tweaking should make the effect last until we returned after the holiday. It was the last of the pranks we would be placing for the big show the next morning, as well as the grand finale itself. Earlier we had positioned the items necessary to fulfil an idea Luna had given us and was perfectly designed to signal the start of the event to everyone for miles around. Seamus, Hannah and Susan were busy positioning other surprises around the school for our seasonal gift to the oppressive regime that now ran Hogwarts. Between us we had planted well over three hundred individual pranks to make the whole over the last week, we expected that this was to be a prank the likes of which had never been seen at the school before. We had no need to be especially on our guard any more than was usual, it was still before curfew after all. However we did not allow ourselves to be too complacent, although our appearance my have appeared casual, we were on our guard. Which meant that we were alert and as we reached the bottom of the stairs, we heard a door close nearby. We quickly and silently hid in the shadows behind a floor to ceiling tapestry close to the bottom of the steps, without being noticed by the shadowy figures in the corridor.

“There you are Draco.” I recognized the voice of Pansy Parkinson followed by a yelp of surprise, presumably from Draco.

“Bloody hell Pansy, do you have to creep up on me.” Drawled the blond Death Nibbler.

“Calm down Draco, you're looking really skittish, what are you up to? Where's the body?” She asked calmly.

I was shocked, a body? What had they done? Whose body was it? 

“What are you talking about, there is no body Pansy.” The ponce replied clearly puzzled.

“Oh good.” she breathed. “If there is no body here that means we are alone.”

It was the worst chat up, I had ever heard, but it must have worked, as the sounds of heavy, wet snogging soon reached our hiding place. Soon the passionate couple left, presumably to find somewhere they would not be disturbed by the other patrols. After a few moments, we slowly emerged from our hiding place and made our way swiftly towards Ravenclaw tower to ensure Luna got back safely. 

Neville smirked as we got close to the tower. “This will annoy Uncle Algie.” He grinned.

Luna and I looked at him. “Why?” I asked.

“Well I can now tell him the U.K. finally brought in a project on time and on budget with minimal red tape. He says that never happens, we just have though.” He grinned.

Laughing we saw Luna safely through the door to the Ravenclaw dormitories, we had just enough time to get back to our common room before curfew.

Reaching the end of the corridor to the portrait of the fat lady we saw Crabbe and Goyle pinning someone up against the wall, with a quick glance at each other we carefully drew our wands. Slowly, quietly we cautiously made our way towards the scene, hoping we could remain unnoticed. The two Slytherin's were busy taunting their victim, who we realized was a Gryffindor first year.

“You Gryffindor's need to learn who is in charge now.” Crabbe snarled at the terrified first year, who collapsed in a heap crying, earning laughs of derision from the two Slytherin's.

That clinched it, there was no way those two Neanderthals were going to get away with this. The spell was forming on my lips as I saw the distinct spell light of a stunner fly at the laughing thugs from the other end of the hall, close to the portrait. Goyle slumped to the floor and Crabbe spun towards the approaching spell caster. It was Seamus, returning from delivering Susan and Hannah to their common room, after planting their timed pranks. If they had succeeded as we had again, this school was going to be a nightmare to live in for the holiday. Still it was only Slytherin's and Death Eaters who would be here, most of the staff were going to be away too. 

Keeping his wand steady on Crabbe, Seamus continued his walk towards him. “Touché!” he growled emotionlessly.

Crabbe grinned, probably feeling confident he could take one opponent on his own, not noticing us behind him. I think I must have been in the company of Fred or Luna too much recently, I really don't know what came over me, but I couldn't resist. I had my wand pointed at the intellectually challenged Slytherin and ridiculously growled, “Threeché!” Grinning madly at them.

Crabbe spun round and saw us just as Neville shrugged. “What the hell.” My fellow Gryffindor muttered, then called out confidently, “Fourché!”

Crabbe looked utterly confused by our nonsensical mangling of the fencing terminology, he didn't notice the stunner, sent at close quarters, from the wand of the crying first year behind him. As the goon fell to the floor Seamus grinned. “She's behind you, oops sorry, too late.” he said to Crabbe, then looked at us, shrugged and added “Well, why should you two have a monopoly on daft things to say?”

I shook my head smiling and ran to the side of the first year. “Are you all right?” I asked her.

She sniffled and nodded. 

“Good girl.” I smiled. “That was a brilliant stunner you did, really powerful.”

She smiled as I gently cleaned her up with my wand.

“Ginny what shall we do with them?” Neville asked indicating the two Slytherin's with his foot on Goyle's shoulder.

“Modify their memories then hide them somewhere before reviving them. Give them a couple of bruises and make it look like they argued and hit each other.” I grinned. The girl next to me giggled.

The boys carried out my idea and returned within minutes. “They are in the Girls loo back there.” Seamus grinned.

Smiling we helped the first year up, and took her into the common room.

There was palpable excitement at breakfast next morning, Elizabeth, the first year we had rescued the night before, joined us for breakfast. We had realized the night before that, she was in fact, the only Gryffindor girl in her year. She was desperately lonely and had immersed herself in work for the whole term, often crying herself to sleep from isolation she felt. What made things worse was that her family actually lived in Hogsmeade, she was so close to them, but could not see them or speak to them at all since September thanks to the regime in the School. She was so happy that they were going to collect her from the Hogsmeade platform, rather than her having to endure the long train journey on her own. Now though, she was worried we wouldn't be her friends if she wasn't travelling back with us. We all, even Seamus, had reassured her it was fine and we wouldn't abandon her just because she wasn't with us on the train. 

Soon we were in the carriages back to the station, I had introduced Elizabeth to Luna, Hannah and Susan. We four girls travelled in one carriage whilst the two boys went in another with some other members of the D.A

As we arrived at the platform we met Elizabeth's very worried parents, they were relieved she had made friends with some senior students. I whispered to Elizabeth to watch the castle as the train left as we hugged goodbye, she grinned and nodded though I could see a tear glistening in her eye. We boarded the train and her father picked her up, so she could wave through our window to us. As the engine whistle sounded and the train began to move, a loud, deep bass, booming note announced the start of our parting gift. I activated the mirror to Fred and passed it to Luna, he would see the results of his and our hard work through it. 

On the front lawn of the castle was one of the strangest instruments I had ever seen. This was Luna's transfiguration, it was at least forty feet long and twenty feet tall thanks to an engorging charm, this was a giant Mukkinese Battle Horn. It was made of brass with a very small mouth piece at one end, the tubular structure passed through five finger valves before expanding and curling in a manner resembling spaghetti on a plate, before straightening and widening. Finally it flared into an enormous funnel shaped ending, from where the resonating note emerged like a honeyed bubble expanding over the mountains and valleys. As it's loud note rolled through the air, the very ground reverberated to the depth of the haunting sound, even the water of the great lake rippled and moved to the tone. It appeared that everyone’s eyes turned towards Hogwarts expectantly, apparently waiting to observe what the note heralded. The train continued it's normal progress along the track, the wheels rumbling, clicking on the track joints, as if nothing unusual was happening. 

Even from this distance from the castle, we could see the main doors of the castle burst open and something brown ooze over the steps. We knew that this meant that the hundreds of portable swamps we had spent the week planting, had activated on schedule. Every corridor within the school would now be a swamp, trapping the occupants in whichever of the rooms they happened to be in. If anyone had been in a corridor when they activated then they would have been thrown through the nearest door, we wanted to create mayhem, not murder after all. As the train gathered speed, we could see the blackness of the windows, caused by the Peruvian darkness powder. Soon we could hear the honking of hundreds of decoy detonators, as they too activated. This was followed by a large head erupting from the roof near the astronomy tower, it was based on a picture I had seen of gigantic stone heads on Easter Island. This one was much bigger, we could here the awed reaction of the students on the train as it turned to face out from the castle, then, in the manner of a puppet it's mouth opened.

“I am the great God of hell fire, sent to give hope to those against the followers of the Dark Lord.” The head intoned in a deep commanding voice.

A second head erupted from the top of the Astronomy tower, this on glared at the other head and in a high rough voice replied. “ He is not the Dark Lord, he is a very naughty boy.”

We could hear the sounds of laughter rolling down the train as it gathered speed for the journey, but the show was not over yet. Just before the castle went out of sight, there was a very large explosion around the second head. From it the image of my Harry emerged, to rise above the castle and words formed beneath.

“ The U.K. and the U.S.A. kick Death Eater Butt.”

That message, glowing above the castle and the heads watching, would still be there when we got back if all went to plan. Little did I, or any of us know, we would be one very important friend short when we did return. We would discover that, before we reached London.

Cheered by our success, I turned from the window, not looking up yet as I savoured the images of our creation and committed them to memory. I felt Neville and Seamus freeze next to me and heard them gasp in shock. Fearing the worst, I looked up, my eyes widened. “Luna put your clothes back on for Merlin's sake.” I hissed, amused at the boy's embarrassment. 

She looked up and turned the mirror so I could see an equally nude Fred standing there. 

“Spoil sport.” They both grinned before Luna got dressed and Fred assured us he would get dressed before he came to meet us at Kings Cross.

Satisfied with our work we settled for the journey home. Still as I pondered the events of the last few minutes I came to one conclusion. I realised that whilst it's true that Death Eaters and Dementors are bad, but the thought of naked grown brothers and best friends really scare me.

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Notes:  
> The idea given me was to write something which would be a chance for Fred and Ginny to work together Marauder style, a chance for her to work with her brother, during the war, for the last time, hence George only being a background figure in this story. It was also in response to a story challenge on another site which included a number of phrases which had to be used.
> 
> Mukkinese Battle Horn created by Larry Stephens, story and script writer for the 1956 British short film, “The Case of the Mukkinese Battle Horn”. The description in this story does not match the image of the horn used in the film.
> 
> The “He's a very naughty Boy” Gag paraphrased from Monty Python's Life of Brian.


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